Tonight I logged on, cancelled and deleted and signed out of every one of the "sites" I was a member of which are often used to find "lovers."
I am going to Madrid on Thursday, for reasons which no one really knows. It's a new year and I really need to find myself again. Somehow since splitting up with a certain someone a year ago I've been out of touch with my being, my personality, my character, my tastes and interests. I've developed interests that were preferable for others than myself, I've lost the care for the environment that used to be so important to me- my values and morals. I'm going away for four days on Thursday to get that back- to spend time without internet, without family and friends. It sounds so blissful to me, the idea of going to museums, galleries, villages on the outskirts with my headphones on and having no one to answer to.
I hope 2012 is the year that I get back to being myself. I'm the least critical I've ever been at the moment, and I'm really trying to see the good in everyone.
I don't have a partner at the moment but I know that it's going to happen someday. I hope. But if it is going to happen, I want it to be organically. With a man. With a real man, who wears jumpers and has scratches on his hand from manual labour.
But for now, I'm going to continue with university for the next five months, listening to this song daily, hourly... as much as I can, as it reminds me of who I once was.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=XPd9be8R5bA
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